An ADHD Coach talks about ‘Promises’ & my Reality Manifesto

A summer break leads to reality check

Over the summer, I stepped back from my social media and regular podcast because I was - honestly - feeling disillusioned. Not with the feedback from real life people who find them useful and enjoy them.

I was tired of the number of ‘quick fixes’ and ‘fast track’ solutions online. The endless groups. The NOISE that just seems to be gathered around a topic that was, once, barely recognised.

It took me a while to put my finger on what bothered me but I think I’ve worked it out.

I’m honest - too honest.

I’m honest - TOO honest sometimes. (oops).

Yes there is such a thing as too honest apparently. I have boundaries around what I share from my personal life but that doesn’t mean I ever ‘fib’ or fudge the truth. When I see other people not doing that it has, until recently, caused a significant problem with how I feel about coaching, specifically ADHD coaching.

A fresh start

I decided that this was a waste of my energy and my time. Instead of focusing on what other people do, I'm tuning it ALL OUT. I’ve muted 99.9% of the ADHD online ‘content’ and coaches. This isn’t because I think I’m better in any way at all - but it is not helping me to be present for my clients, my own growth or my business.

After I did that, I sat down and wrote out two things: a manifesto (which has become the ADHD Reality Revolution) and my Anti-Promise Promise… because we (business owners) are always being told to create a promise, a transformation, that we can offer.

When I try to do this I get supremely stuck. I can’t do a single thing because it pushes my ‘NO’ button in such a huge way. So here are my manifesto and my Anti-Promise Promise.

Both of these will change and develop over time but I would like to hear your thoughts on what I’ve shared and the manifesto points too.

The ADHD Reality Revolution Manifesto:

“1. We reject empty promises and quick fixes. Our ADHD brains are unique, and so are our paths to success.

2. We embrace honesty, realism, and self-compassion in our ADHD management journey.

3. We give ourselves permission to be who we are, to make mistakes, and to grow at our own pace. 

4. We cultivate autonomy and agency, taking control of our lives and decisions.

5. We redefine accountability, moving beyond blame to curiosity and celebration of effort.

6. We live in possibility, seeing challenges as opportunities for creative problem-solving.

7. We support each other in our journeys, sharing experiences, offering acceptance and strategies without judgment.
”

— The ADHD Reality Revolution Manifesto

So what I can promise…

Why I wrote them:

• It feels wrong to offer a ‘guarantee’ or describe ‘transformations’. It could be my autism, my ethics, the insights but I cannot say ‘you will be able to…’. I could say ‘I will explain or show how you can…’ because the action and change of clients is not something I can control.

• It is more fun/interesting/aligned to offer an ‘anti-promise’ and highlight that I do and say things differently because of my own brain and my own experience with traditional marketing practices:

What I can say with my whole chest:

•  ‘I won’t promise you will be able to put your phone down immediately or put all your laundry away because I know how challenging that is and I don’t believe that it’s good for you or me if you think someone else has the power to do that for you. 

• I do believe that you can when you understand your brain, your motivation, when you’ve developed your own routines and strategies and I can offer you all the information and support you need to do that - and I believe that you CAN when you are ready and willing.

• I can support you to tackle the mind gremlins that you will have to battle to get there - the perfectionism, the imposter syndrome, the sensitivity about others opinions - the ‘mind reading’ and black and white thinking.’

•  ‘I won’t promise you will be able to put your phone down immediately or put all your laundry away because I know how challenging that is and I don’t believe that it’s good for you or me if you think someone else has the power to do that for you. 

• I do believe that you can when you understand your brain, your motivation, when you’ve developed your own routines and strategies and I can offer you all the information and support you need to do that - and I believe that you CAN when you are ready and willing.

• I can support you to tackle the mind gremlins that you will have to battle to get there - the perfectionism, the imposter syndrome, the sensitivity about others opinions - the ‘mind reading’ and black and white thinking.’

Sales pages always offer you a ‘transformation’ but you and I both know that the truth is, only YOU have the power to make that happen - with the additional support of a coach and mentor who has been through enough sales and marketing funnels to recognise when I’ll be kicked out after ‘not succeeding’.  WHY? Because my brain will literally not let me tell you something that it feels is a lie. It’s often not untrue - but I need things to be transparent and honest for me and for you. So if I don’t think that coaching is what you need I will be honest with you, as soon as I can.

• I won’t offer you “accountability” because the need for autonomy and avoiding demands runs so deep for many of us that you may subconsciously reject any actions you choose to tell me about and you’ll think that you, or I, or the coaching, have failed again and use that as more evidence the Universe hates you.

• I can promise that I will make sure you have the knowledge about ADHD and brains and behaviour to show you that your struggles are not the fault of your weak character - you’re not broken.

• I can promise you that I will ask you in-depth, unique questions that can open up life-changing insights - and if you have the courage, I will cheer for you and support you while you take action you couldn’t even imagine before, and that you can now see yourself doing as a route to your desired vision: because THAT is coaching.

• I can check your commitment: and make sure you understand the power of permission when it comes to change and growth.

• I can share the power of living in possibility and how that is the key to changing your current feeling AND your destination in ways that might seem impossible right now.

• I can promise you that this might feel slower and scarier than buying another big fancy ‘group program’ that you think offers you all of the information you need but which ends up sitting in your journal or google drive and adds to your growing list of things that didn’t work the way you hoped - but it’s going to be more powerfully effective when you get stuck into it.

You will gain -

“Autonomy: this is YOUR life, to live your way

Agency: you will learn to identify what you need and how to ask for it

Confidence: you will learn about the real foundations of self-confidence and then how to practice it in daily life

Real Power: because you are the source, creator and origin of your unique change method and celebrating it with others is a bonus, not an essential to keep you going.”

There are no magic supplements, no guaranteed results, no 100% satisfaction guarantee offers 

• Because if that’s what you need to take action, you are need more support than coaching alone can provide.