I know many of us with an ADHD diagnosis feel like we just can’t make up our minds.

On one hand: change can be incredibly challenging, causing anxiety and resistance.

On the other: an almost constant need for novelty and stimulation can make boredom unbearable & almost physically painful.

Knowing that this is ‘normal for ADHD’ is essential for living a happier, more free, less conflicted life. .

The Science Behind ADHD and Change Resistance

Living with ADHD involves unique neurological factors that add to difficulties with change.

Research suggests that executive functions, which do our planning, organizing, and adapting, are different in individuals with ADHD. These play a crucial role in adaptability, making change particularly challenging for those with ADHD.

There are a few ways to think of Executive Functions but Dr Thomas Brown compares them to the ‘conductor of an orchestra’ or our internal management system. We all use several of them together and often people without ADHD can find their ‘Executive Functions’ being less effective or just not functioning as they’d expect.

The problem is that ADHD brains have these problems more often than others and for longer:

Organizing, prioritizing, and activating to work
This involves challenges in things like organizing materials, setting priorities for a project, or getting started on a project.
Focusing and shifting attention to tasks
Impairment to these functions may translate into problems maintaining focus and attention on a given task or having the constant urge to shift attention to a new one.
Regulating alertness, sustaining effort, and processing speed
This involves challenges when monitoring and maintaining attention and trying to sustain a level of effort over time.
Managing frustration and modulating emotions
This impairment may translate into emotion-led behavior, emotion-focused thoughts, and difficulty putting feelings in perspective.
Utilizing working memory and accessing recall
This may involve difficulty with short-term memory and recalling information, and an inability to remember a particular piece of information on demand.
Monitoring action and regulating behavior
This impairment could lead to impulsivity and difficulty changing behaviours according to context as well as setting the speed of action.

The Need for Novelty

ADHD brains often have a heightened need for novelty and stimulation. We invented the ‘shiny object syndrome’ and social media apps are designed to keep us hooked for the next new, fun, exciting thing.

This craving for new experiences is closely linked to our different levels of dopamine. That’s a neurotransmitter that influences motivation and reward. Dr Norah Volkow & her colleagues published papers showing that people with ADHD may have lower dopamine levels, leading to a constant search for novelty to compensate for the lack of internal stimulation. This need for novelty can make boredom feel almost unbearable. Some clients have said that it’s physically painful, when they can’t change their activity or situation.

It’s not just that we have lower levels of dopamine - we have more of the transporter cells that hoover it up, so the dopamine we can create through activity or adding stimulation disappears faster…

The Paradox Explained

So looking at ADHD as a cognitive - brain/thought based - condition, instead of a behaviour one (fidgeting, etc) means we can quickly see our need for predictability comes from the executive function of ‘changing behaviour according to context’ or situation, and at the same time we might struggle to maintain focus and sustain effort.

The need for something new is also a chemical one - it’s not a ‘choice’ or an ‘excuse’ - our brains drive us to look for a reward, for pleasure, for novelty because it has flagged up that the lack of dopamine is stopping us with the task at hand or the next thing we need to do.

Our brains are bombarded from all sides with these conflicting needs and then we end up in a state of confusion that - to an outsider - seems absolutely baffling.

THIS is why ADHD confuses so many people!

Compassion & Coping Strategies

My first focus in ANY situation where we have this painful inner conflict is self-compassion. It sounds wishy washy and boring but it’s been scientifically studied and proven to lower physical stress signals - and it’s easy to do wherever you are.

Some - lots - of people with ADHD think they’ll fail at mindfulness or self-compassion. It’s not meditation - that’s a different technique and yes, a powerful one that you can learn - but this is about a focused, self-compassionate, caring moment to acknowledge what you’re feeling, to identify where it’s causing you pain and then accept it and let it go. I know - it’s not as simple as that, or we would all be masters! It can be tailored to your needs though - and I’m releasing my ADHD specific mindfulness resources in November 2023 - in time for you to get them set up before the holiday season.

CBT gets a bad reputation in lots of ADHD discussions. When it’s offered badly, without much sensitivity or awareness - without that specific ADHD lens that coaches like me spend hundreds of hours developing - yes it can truly be useless. Worse than useless because it can compound our feelings of ‘failing at therapy’. There is evidence though that learning ourselves how to spot our thoughts and identify the emotions - name it to tame it - to understand how WE need to break things down personally - can be a game changing skill in all areas of your life.

Finally, don’t try to logic your way out of it. It’s a paradox - of course it won’t make sense. My mentor Jay Perry lives by his motto that ‘all people are weird’ - we all are, wonderfully and wildly weird in our own little ways - and that means that we can feel two completely opposite things at once and have competing needs - for things to stay the same and for new things. Once we understand them, we can take steps towards balancing them for our unique lives.

Autism and ADHD

I want to add a word briefly about the overlap of autism and ADHD. Many in the community describe our combination of diagnoses as ‘AuDHD’ - and that’s been disparaged by some professionals. Personally - as someone with a dual diagnosis - it sums up perfectly the combination of challenges that I have successfully navigated for more than 50 years. I notice that at some times, I have a need for more predictability and do not cope with change at all. I struggle immensely whenever I have moved house and it takes me at least 6 months to regain my equilibrium (less now that I know WHY). At the same time, my ADHD can drive me to impulsivity - again, I can now spot WHY things are feeling driven.

I am not a clinician - I always make it clear I can’t diagnose or treat anyone - but I do know that it’s common for many of us to have these experiences and find that we may have strong traits of autism. Enough for an official diagnosis? Well, does it matter if you are a point or two under the threshold?

I would gently offer the idea that meeting our own needs - conflicting or not - is more important than an arbitrary level of ‘impairment’.

Other Supports

Of course, I will mention coaching. Specifically, ADHD coaching.

You’ll know from my other article about ‘How to find an ADHD Coach’ that there are LOTS of people who are using that name but whose training is not - for me - up to the level I’d want for my own coach. They might be terrific - and a qualification is no guarantee - but I want to know that the person working with me has both an aptitude for the coaching mindset AND a detailed, driven, insight into why traditional coaching and therapy might not be working.

A skilled ADHD coach will not just give you a big open question or pretty metaphor - at the other extreme, they won’t just give you a list of tactics or strategies.

Their job is to make YOUR exploration of what will help you feel like fun, an adventure - a joyful journey with some fun bonuses along the way.

Does medication help with this? It’s not something I have found talked about much in the scientific literature - but there are several studies that show ADHD medication can definitely help with the need for novelty seeking and focus. I’ve also had lots of unofficial reports from clients and friends that it makes us feel less anxious when changes happen - because our ability to process and bring the executive function to adapt to a new context is available more quickly.

Understanding the ADHD paradox is essential for us to feel good and effectively manage those times when our brains are shouting that they want two totally different things at once.

Know that it is neurological factors - our dopamine regulation and Executive Functions - that can cause resistance to change and the need for novelty. It’s not a character flaw or a moral weakness - it’s our brain. Our chemical soup.

So when that confusion strikes don’t let shame or worry about ‘what it means’ get in the way of taking action to feel better immediately.

There are different options including coaching, ADHD Mindfulness, trying new therapies, or having a deeper understanding of your own ADHD. Any of these could be the first step towards creating a life that works for your brain and long-term vision.

Embrace the paradox and unlock your true potential.

You can share this infographic to help others understand WHY we have both things happening and save it yourself to head off guilt instantly!

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Warmly,

Katherine

ADHD Coach