35 – The ONE THING I want you to know.

Key Takeaways

ADHD Behaviors Are Neurological Responses, Not Intentional Choices

The teenager’s insight “I don’t do it on purpose” highlights a fundamental misunderstanding about ADHD that affects both external relationships and internal self-perception. When ADHD behaviors like forgetfulness, distractibility, or emotional dysregulation are viewed as intentional choices, it creates shame, frustration, and damaged relationships. These behaviors stem from neurological differences in executive function, dopamine regulation, and brain connectivity—not from laziness, defiance, or lack of caring. Understanding this distinction is crucial for both people with ADHD and those who support them, as it shifts the focus from blame and moral judgment to accommodation and practical support.

Parental Assumptions About Intentionality Damage Family Relationships

Many parents, despite their best intentions, fall into the trap of believing their ADHD child “could do it if they really tried” or that behaviors are purposeful acts of rebellion or carelessness. This perspective is understandable given that ADHD children can sometimes perform well in high-interest situations, creating the illusion that all failures are choice-based. However, this assumption creates ongoing conflict, erodes trust, and reinforces negative self-concept in ADHD children. When parents understand that ADHD behaviors reflect neurological challenges rather than character flaws, they can respond with problem-solving support rather than disciplinary measures.

Self-Blame Patterns Perpetuate ADHD Struggles Throughout Life

Adults with ADHD often internalize the message that they should be able to “try harder” or that their struggles represent personal failings rather than neurological differences. This internal critic voice—developed through years of receiving feedback about behaviors that felt outside their control—becomes a significant barrier to self-compassion and effective coping strategies. The belief “I’m not really disabled” or “I should be able to manage this” prevents people from seeking appropriate accommodations and support, leading to chronic stress, burnout, and reduced quality of life.

Mind-Body Research Supports Holistic ADHD Approaches

Emerging research by Professor Ellen Langer and others demonstrates significant connections between psychological states and physical functioning, suggesting that how we think about our conditions can influence our experience of them. While this doesn’t mean ADHD is “just in your head,” it does indicate that psychological approaches, mindfulness practices, and environmental modifications can have measurable impacts on cognitive function and wellbeing. This research supports the value of comprehensive ADHD management that addresses both neurological realities and psychological responses to those realities.

Young Adult ADHD Support Requires Specialized Approaches

The transition from adolescence to young adulthood presents unique challenges for people with ADHD, particularly around academic demands, social skill development, and increasing independence requirements. Programs like Launch Coaching and PEERS social skills training recognize that this developmental stage requires targeted support that differs from both childhood interventions and adult coaching approaches. Young adults with ADHD benefit from structured support that builds executive function skills while respecting their growing autonomy and addressing the specific social and academic challenges of their life stage.