“Why ADHD Coaching fails” might seem like a strange topic for an ADHD coach to write about but I hear this story regularly so it’s time to have some Blunt Talk. Someone reaches out after a disappointing – or even traumatic – coaching experience:

“I spent a fortune on an ADHD coach and got nothing useful from it. Can you explain what you do differently?”

If that’s been your experience, you’re not alone and I am truly sorry. Deeply, deeply sorry.

But there’s an uncomfortable truth most coaches won’t tell you: sometimes the “failure” isn’t about the coach’s competence or your commitment and desire for change.

It’s about a fundamental mismatch between:
– what you think you want,
– where you are and
– what actually creates change.

What Coaching Isn’t (And What You Might Have Gotten Instead)

Real life or ADHD coaching isn’t:
– Information you could Google about ADHD
– Generic productivity tips with ADHD buzzwords
– Emotional support and validation (that’s therapy)
– Someone telling you to try harder, but with better systems or strategies

If that’s what you received for any amount of money, you got expensive advice, not coaching.

Why ADHD Coaching Fails (really)

What most people don’t realise is that wanting to understand yourself isn’t the same as being ready to change your daily reality.

Some people genuinely want insight without action – and that’s 100% ok. They want to feel better about their patterns without experimenting with different approaches.

There’s nothing wrong with that but it’s not coaching, and expecting behavioural transformation from pure understanding will always disappoint you.

I imagine there are some people out there who can know more and use that to create the outcome or life they want… but they don’t generally need coaches for it.

More importantly – other people are dealing with

– crisis,
– burnout, or
– life circumstances
that make change either an extra challenge they don’t have capacity or space for right now OR they need to heal first.

Pushing ourselves into a “transformation” when we’re barely surviving is harmful.

Why Generic ADHD Coaching Fails

A lot of popular ADHD coaching is based on the assumption that your brain just needs better instructions. It doesn’t.

Your brain is already solving problems but you just don’t know which problems it’s solving or why.

A “procrastination” problem?
Your brain believes it is protecting you from something.

Maybe “disorganisation”?
It’s solving a problem you haven’t identified yet but is probably a working memory challenge.

Those annoying “bad habits”?
They’re unhelpful but logical brain responses to real pain you might be ignoring for very valid reasons.

Until you understand what your behaviour is actually doing for you, any surface-level strategy will stay there – and is unlikely to last for long.

The Questions That Actually Matter

Before considering coaching, add these to the usual questions about credentials:

How do you know if someone is ready for coaching?
(Good coaches have filters and don’t just take your money and hope for the best.

What’s your process for people who aren’t ready yet?
Experienced coaches can look for signals that show the difference between “wants information” and “ready for change.”

How do you work with clients who’ve tried everything before?
This reveals whether they understand the difference between surface fixes and deeper patterns – but I’d also want you think deeply on this one too!

Protecting Yourself (And Your Investment)

Before spending money on any coach:

1. Be honest about your capacity.
If you’re in crisis mode, dealing with major life changes, or at your absolute limit, coaching probably isn’t the right intervention right now.

2. Know what you actually want – and if you don’t, spend some time on that.
Understanding yourself is different from changing your daily reality. Both are valuable, but they require different approaches.

3. Think about what you expect the coach to do – and what you’re putting into it.
Whenever I think of this question, I hear Jeff Copper saying ‘Sometimes people want the spade to dig the garden for them’. It’s such a vivid image, right?

No matter how great a coach is, no matter what their fee is – if you’re honestly hoping the coach will have a magic fix? Save your money. Get yourself a luxury spa or hire a cleaner and declutterer FIRST.

As wonderful as coaching can be – as powerful as the changes can feel – YOU are the one the coach will partner with and if you’re at ‘battery empty’, take time to recharge that first. You know what would help you feel better and have the capacity to be coached – so use your coaching fee for THAT.

The Real Issue with ADHD Coaching

The problem isn’t that coaching doesn’t work. The problem is that most people, coaches and clients, don’t understand the difference between information transfer and behavioural change OR if they do, won’t turn people away after explaining why.

Your brain doesn’t need more strategies. It definitely doesn’t need ANYONE ELSE to create them for you.

It needs someone who can recognise
a) why your current strategies exist and
b) then partner with you to you design pathways and experiments that work with your current reality and aiming for the one you want

That requires a specific skill set, extensive training, and most importantly, clients who are ready to engage with the process, not just consume the insights.

Moving Forward

If you’ve had disappointing coaching experiences, consider this:
maybe you weren’t ready then, but you might be now.

Or maybe you were ready, but you were working with someone who didn’t understand how to layer the process of insight and change and empowerment that would allow YOU to start creating motivation and change.

Coaches can’t zap ‘motivation’ into your brain – that’s ALL YOU.

The goal isn’t to find a coach who will only validate your struggles or give you better ‘hacks and tips’.

The goal is to find someone who can help you recognise what your brain has been trying to accomplish all along and then work with that intelligence instead of trying to impose an external system onto it.

Before you do anything else – you need to honestly assess whether you’re looking for understanding or transformation.

Because they’re not the same thing, and expecting one when you need the other will always leave you disappointed – and the coaches, courses, programs and books that confuse the two will leave you thinking that you are still the problem.

Stay curious,
Katherine

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Coach Katherine Sanders specialises in helping late-diagnosed ADHD professionals understand the logic behind their "problematic" brains. Her approach focuses on neuroscience, no-woo-self-empowerment and the science of behavioural change.

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